The moment a woman gets to know that she is pregnant her mind is filled with mixed emotions. Emotions of joy, pride as well as self-doubt fill her – will she be a good mother? Will she be able to handle the day to day labor required to raise an infant? Will she get good support from her hubby? And before all this will she have a comfortable time in the long 9 months process when the baby develops inside her body?
For some it is a planned phase of life, for some, it’s a moment to fulfill family expectations and for some like me it’s just an accident!!!
It’s not so important which reason led to a life breathing inside your body, but how you handle it after the realization that there is indeed a new human developing inside your body- Who right from being a small seed till many years of his/her life will be dependent on your care, support and love to thrive, survive and grow. This new human which will be part of you and your partner- will grow inside you and this tiny human is going to change your life forever!
Some women resent being pregnant – since they feel they have been dragged into motherhood just to fulfill family desires while some get overwhelmed by the feeling that they will be mothers soon.
Whether one resents or takes it happily, the point is that one has to accept this big change – willingly or unwillingly is individual.
My personal opinion is no different from what everyone preaches i.e. to take it up willingly and happily, once the baby is indeed inside you. You may resent to any lengths but once the baby has started breathing inside you, it’s best to accept it cheerfully. I agree this is not a pretension business or a week/months job that you can fake it but one can definitely try to be positive.
It is often said that once a mother looks at the face of her new born baby all her agony of past 9 months or the pain of child birth is forgotten. Well that may be true but I did not experience that for a very long time. No doubt I liked the site of my daughter but it never made me forget all my pain or made me ready instantly for the challenges of parenthood.
Considering the post natal depression, the body pain of a C-section delivery ( I have heard normal is no better), the unscheduled and undesired night time waking I would say that it took me more than 6 months to accept that my life is never going to be the same again. That I am a mommy now and that I have to go through this long laborious process of raising my child.
In all these ups and downs I must say I had full support – physical and emotional of my hubby which made it quite easier! Not to forget that I shifted with my in-laws when my daughter was just 3 months and would give full credit to my mother-in-law father-in-law and my brother-in-law for making it easier to take care of my baby. With support of such wonderful people in my life I could join back office when my little girl was just 4 months. I cannot imagine how only husband and wife manage a little baby that too if both are working. Hats off to such parents!
Whether or not you have family support – once you are a parent there is no escape. You have to do stuff you have never done before and more so you have to DO IT NOW. If the baby is hungry – feed him/her NOW. If their diaper is dirty change it NOW even if it is 3AM and you are half dead with sleep. You cannot postpone it to some later day or time. That’s the biggest challenge.
This entire baby raising process is not just a feeding/washing business. Had it been like this then I am sure nobody would ever dare to have kids. It’s the joy children bring which is matchless. As if nature has tuned and wired them to cajole us into taking care of them with glee. Soon they start to throw a random smile or make some random sound and make your world interesting. You wait for the smile after truck loads of laundry and innumerable feeding sessions. Rush by their side when they make some random babbling sound. I remember my daughter started saying “Agoom Agoo goo” when she was a little less than 3 months and those words used to have therapeutic effect on me!
Other than the acceptance part that one is a parent now which inherently brings the restriction of not being able to sleep undisturbed through the night or to sleep in complete darkness as you have to keep the night lamp on for a surprise potty cleaning session, or to watch a movie in theatre or to read a book or do things whenever you wish to actual child raising process is also something which has its new set of challenges every day.
I remember my favorite line to soothe myself when my daughter used to cry endlessly in the night was – “I am also a 10 day old mommy, I do not know why you are crying. Please calm down my sweetie”
Being an internet mommy – what I call myself I have read numerous blogs and articles about raising an infant but as most of us know there is no cheat sheet available to raise a child. Something that works with one child may not work with another. But one thing is sure browsing through numerous blogs and articles on internet whenever faced with doubts about a certain topic be it feeding, sleeping or potty training gave me assurance that I am not alone. All moms and even new age dads are facing everyday challenges and it gives so much relief to know that one is not alone.
My journey into motherhood is just around 18months yet I feel like a professional already- willing to share my experiences!
To be continued with next chapter – Feeling Pregnant…
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